Decades

This morning the snow fell silently and swiftly outside my kitchen window blanketing my front and back yards. Pure, virgin snow. A blank slate; a perfect way to end the old year, begin the new one and the new decade. It was so tranquil in my house; everyone was gone the whole day leaving me alone with just the dog. I had time to relax and reflect and watch daytime TV- three luxuries I rarely have the occasion to engage in, given my hectic lifestyle.

Yesterday I went out to lunch with three friends from elementary school. We hadn’t seen each other in over 40 years- 4 decades. We shared our life stories and then reminisced about old times. There’s something about reacquainting yourself to your childhood that, to me, is more powerful than any other time in your life. Even seeing old high school or college friends cannot compete with the people who knew you when you were a child. Those are the ones who ground you to that place where endless possibilities and dreams still exist. Those are the ones who knew you as that singular individual being. We are all tied to other lives now- spouses, children and grandchildren even. But that excitement of recalling our simple, uncomplicated youth will never dissolve.

This morning, on daytime TV, the shows were all about remembering the first decade of 2000. Yesterday, I could easily recollect 40 years ago. The past decade flew by so fast, I had to stop and think a long time about those ten years and the milestones that happened as I ushered my children from adolescence to adulthood, myself from semi-middle aged to full fledged card-carrying AARP member.

Ten years ago, Lindsay was graduating high school; one of her high school photos has “2000” boldly displayed behind her smiling 17 year old face. Kimberly was graduating junior high school. It was a very emotional time, one girl at the beginning of an era, while another was ending it and starting a new one. I remember that was the year when Lindsay officially had her heart broken the first time. There is nothing more painful than watching your child hurting. I told her that one day this pain would mean nothing to her because she will meet someone who will love her as much as she loves him. Of course I didn’t know that for sure but I had hoped and I was right- ten years later. At that time, ten years seemed like an eternity to a 17 year old girl, but looking back, those ten years are a flicker.

Milestones. Watching and guiding my lively little girls to become lovely young woman. Seeing their bodies blossom, while mine droops. I look in the mirror now and say to myself, “Where did my body go, the one that belonged to that youthful perky young girl who once looked back at me in the mirror?” And then one of my daughters walks by and I say quietly, “There it is.” Milestones. Graduations from high schools and colleges. Dolls and tea sets replaced with lipstick and perfume. Toys and bikes replaced by cars and traffic tickets and fender-benders. Memories of laughter and tears; joy and pain; hopes and dreams; failures and successes; deaths and births; accomplishments and disappointments; crushes and broken hearts. This is what makes a decade. We repeat again and again, “Happy New Year” and wish happiness, health and wealth, but we know that in the balance of life there can be sadness as much as gladness.

I reflect on the most recent and exciting highlight of this decade for Lindsay- meeting Scott, falling in love and getting engaged, beginning the year’s journey that will lead us to a new decade with a wedding as a milestone. Hopes and promises as delicate and graceful as the fresh fallen snow or an ivory white wedding dress.

I can remember falling asleep at night, decades ago, thinking to myself, as probably all girls do, who will I marry and what will my children be like? Life went by so fast that I barely noticed I got the answer to my question. My questions when I fall asleep now are more about my children’s future than mine; perhaps that is when you really surrender your childhood. I think of Lindsay and Scott, swooning in each other’s presence or giggling and being ridiculously silly as young lovers do. And then I consider Kimberly, so sweet and pretty, my reluctant “butterfly”. What will the decade hold for her? I can tell her that one day she will meet someone who will love her as much as she loves him and hope that I will be right again and most likely I will. What I truly want for her, as well as for Lindsay, is to always remember that child who lives within and to never lose sight of her dreams. And most of all, what I hope for my children, Scott included now, is that in the balance of life through the decades, may their happiness outweigh everything else.

Happy New Year….Happy New Decade…..