August 5, 2010

It is a sticky, cloudy and drizzly morning. The date is August 5, 2010. One month from today our journey will end and the wedding we’ve been planning and anticipating will take place. I sincerely hope that the weather on that day is nothing like today.

Now the final countdown begins; however, last month, July 2010, was a whirlwind of life changing events that threw my emotions in all directions. That’s a lot to say, considering the year I’ve had. The month of July was moving month, moving Lindsay out of my house and into her house; moving my mother out of her room at the assisted living residence and into a room in my home. It was a month of breaking down walls, putting up walls, building closets, clearing clutter, painting, shopping, packing and planning. Everything had to be ready for my mother’s move on the last day of July. And even though Lindsay had not completely taken all her belongings out yet, on Friday night, July 30, she said goodbye to her room, her sister, her puppy, her dad, and then to me. It was to be her first night with Scott in their new home, finally ready enough to live in. I put my arms around her petite 4’10” body for a bittersweet hug and quietly sighed, “Have a nice life.” She laughed, “Oh Mom, I’m gonna be five minutes away.” “I know,” I answered, solemnly. In that moment I wanted to go in reverse; to go back twenty years, pick her up with young arms, carry her back to her room and read her a bedtime story before tucking her in for the night. She would laugh at me if I told her that was what I was feeling; she would never understand until one day, if and when she has a daughter who leaves to begin her own life. Moving in, moving out, moving out, moving in, moving emotions, moving on….

I didn’t have the luxury of feeling all weepy and sentimental for long, because the very next day I had to get to my mom’s place to move her. There were still more boxes to pack there, as well, and the anticipation of hoping to fit all of my mother’s furniture into my spare room. I arrived at 8 am and my mom, aunt and I went down for my mom’s last breakfast at the Bristal. Everyone was so sad about my mom leaving. There were cards and gifts and hugs and tears. Through all this, I couldn’t help thinking what the wizard said to the tin man in the Wizard of Oz- first that a heart will never be practical until it is made unbreakable, then, that a heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others. That said it all. My mother was leaving Oz that day and finally coming home. Later on, she told me she couldn’t help thinking that living there was a journey she had to take and that she learned so much about herself from that experience. I marvel at my mom- how positive she always is; even during the most frenetic times, she could just stop and be reflective.

My brother came over to help us, thanks to Bonni, my sister-in-law’s not so subtle hint- the movers are getting to your mom’s at 9am, Martin. “Do you think I should go over to help?” was his response. Now, that’s a really good idea, I’m glad you thought of that! (Bonni’s reply). We had three wonderful moving men who had to work around my brother and I packing up last minute items and my mother looking a little overwhelmed and worried and wanting so much to help. They even added an unplanned extra stop- dropping off my father’s desk- the iconic symbol of the memory of my father-at my brother’s house before taking the rest of everything left of my mother’s life to my house.

I considered the probability of my mom thinking to herself how her life had become minimized to three men, her daughter and son carrying everything she owned onto one truck. I thought about her parting with my father’s desk, the one thing she had left of him, now becoming part of my brother and who he is. This is what we do in life- we maximize- we minimize, we grow- we shrink, we get- we give it away. We grow such deep attachments to the possessions accumulated in the lives we share; it makes it difficult to part with some of them.

Finally, with Kimberly back at my house orchestrating how everything should be placed, by 1pm, everything was done. And everything fit. It was an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders. And my mother was happy; she said she felt like she was home. I must say her room is the prettiest one in the house. And I think Sonny, our puppy, is going to be her best friend. He follows her around, constantly, wagging his little stub of a cropped tail. My house is beginning to get more in order; my dining room table is back in the right place; there’s less junk piled around in boxes. The amount of garbage that accumulated through this process required bulk pickup. Mark needed a dolly to bring some of the stuff out last night. But this morning, everything was gone, including that humongous fish tank. Some things are easy to part with.

My nephew, Max, home from sleepaway camp, came to stay this past week to keep my mother company while I went away on a two-day business trip on a very, very small plane. Lindsay came over on Tuesday with one of her baking books and the three of them (Max, Lindsay and my mom) had a baking party. Lindsay loves to bake and always dreamed of the day that she would bake things with her grandmother. When I returned home that night, they couldn’t wait to get me to taste the most delicious chocolate cinnamon cake with banana sauce.

The last month wedding details are being done. Yesterday Lindsay, my mom and I went to the Judaica store to order the ketubah- Jewish wedding contract. The saleslady at the store commented on our three generations of women. While we were at the store, I noticed a little onesie for a baby that said “Forget the Moyol, It’s a Goyol”. I pointed it out to Lindsay and my mom and said if my friend, Roselee’s daughter, Michelle has a girl, I’m getting that for her. When we returned home, we found that the box of yarmulkes were delivered to my house, too. Last night, Lindsay came over to do the seating arrangements. That was a tedious, argument-provoking endeavor. Tonight, we have the second fitting of Lindsay’s dress. Meanwhile, while we are planning, life is happening, all around us. My company was sold. Now I don’t know what will happen to my job. Oh well.

It is August 5, 2010 and while we wait for one more month to pass, the waiting is over for our dear friends, Roselee and Joey because on this day, their first grandchild, Mya Jade, a goyol, is born. Life is happening all around us. Mazel Tov.