TIME...

You can tell that the summer is coming to a close when the morning air is crisper and the days grow shorter with an earlier dusk. It’s like when great parties are ending or vacations or wonderful movies or your favorite song. It’s like when you take those last three bites of a luscious lemon meringue pie. You want to savor every last morsel. You want to stop time. But time controls everything. It is the director and you are the player. Exactly three weeks to go to the wedding. I get a pang in the pit of my stomach when I think of that. The final weeks of this journey. A matter of time…to get to our destination.

About three years ago, I went to a psychic with Lindsay. My friend, Dorothea, recommended her. It was the winter of 2007 and she lived somewhere in Queens, I think. I do have all the information, including everything she told me, recorded in a journal I used to keep in my bag. However, with all this moving in and out of rooms and storing everything in boxes, I have yet to find that journal. I have reread those pages again and again, so I have mostly all of them memorized. I believe her name was Karen (the psychic). She had a garden apartment amidst a complex of identical garden apartments and I recall we had trouble locating hers and almost gave up. When we finally got there and were inside, I remember her smiling serene face, then the distinct odor of marijuana mingled with the smell of cats. I thought to myself yeah, this is one of those times of my life where I will be spending my money frivolously. Of course Mark had validated that before I left. But it only cost $40 per hour, so I didn’t think it was too high a price to pay for a vacuous experience. She had tarot cards to tell your future; I had used tarot cards before and they turned out to be startling accurate. Anyway, as she gave us information, we shuffled the cards and she would say, “Give me five,” each time. I tentatively would turn over my five cards, hoping they were good ones. There were many things that she told both me and Lindsay that did come true, almost immediately. For example, she knew we were going on a trip and she predicted a delay on the flight, which did happen. A few times she told me I would be okay financially, which was good to hear, because I never seem to have enough money. Then she said that I would be receiving a large sum of money and asked if I had a lawsuit pending. “No,” I told her. “I am expecting a bonus from my company, but definitely no lawsuit.” “Well,” she responded, you are going to get money from some kind of legal transaction, so I just assumed a lawsuit. I definitely see a legal transaction, though.” This certainly perplexed me, but in a good way. It’s always nice to hear that money is coming your way. I still had time to ask more questions towards the end, so I asked about my mother and gave her five more cards. “I see her in a house, with a lovely garden.” “What?” I responded, “There is no house. She lives in an apartment in an assisted living residence.” “I can only tell you what the cards tell me and I definitely see a house.” “Whatever,” I replied, but thought to myself there goes my 40 bucks down the toilet. After we had left, I told Dorothea what she had said and Dorothea told me that she knows of people who use her and what she tells them doesn’t necessarily happen right away; it might happen years later. “Okay, “ I answered, “we shall see.”

That was 2007. A little less than three years ago. This past Friday I just returned from a week away at a continuing professional development conference with my company. They shared big news- we were bought by a large, billion dollar company. The stockholders had a meeting with the attorney. I am a stockholder. He informed us that we were going to get a cash-out on the deal. One very smart thing I did in my life was to buy into my company as they were becoming for-profit. My investment quadrupled. Karen, the psychic, was right- a legal transaction. And just at the right time, when I am coming down to the wire with coming up with the final cash for the wedding. My payment should come four days before the wedding date. What a relief. I thought again about the other thing that Karen had told me about my mom being in a house with a garden. It suddenly occurred to me- my mother was living in a house! My house! And her room overlooks the garden in my backyard. Goosebumps covered my arms.

Time ticks by. Last year we were celebrating the first weddings in my circle of friends, Roselee and Joey’s daughter, then Janet and Rob’s daughter. This year as we journey towards our daughter’s wedding, Roselee and Joey welcomed a granddaughter. Last night, we visited. I held beautiful little pink-skinned Mya in my arms- the first grandchild. It was like heaven on earth. Roselee showed me a book that Janet had given to her about being a grandmother. Inside she had written that we should keep it in our circle of friends and pass it along as we all become grandmothers. I looked at Roselee and Joey’s daughter and son-in-law, Michelle and Mike, now parents, although, they are still kids to me. I used to get so upset with my own parents when they regarded us as “still kids” even when we were parents. Sometimes time stands still when we see our kids. Sometimes we wish it would. Because, in reality, time turns us from kids to parents to grandparents.

Time. A colleague and mentor of mine, Sally, once said, “Narrative is movement through time.” I’ll never forget that time. We were sitting in a conference room in Washington, D.C. around a long shiny dark wood oval table. Sally, one of the most brilliant women I will ever meet, was telling us how to understand the narrative genre of writing. It was as if she had given me the Holy Grail at that moment. Anything I’ve ever read or written suddenly was illuminated from that day on. The art of telling a story is movement through time. It is as if the past, present and future is encapsulated in your life stories.

I began this entry in the morning and it is now past 3pm. The day is flying by and I still have so much to do, like get my gown altered for the wedding. I have a 5pm appointment tonight to do that. Tuesday night is the rehearsal dinner. Soon it will be next Sunday and we’ll only have two more weeks, then one. I only hope I have the time to get everything done, but only time will tell.